Paying attention to a minor detail can have a major impact on our perception and, over time, significantly alter the way we live. Comprehending the differences between “emotions” and “feelings” and distinguishing them from one another allowed me to find more appropriate solutions in response to my inner tensions and anxieties. “Emotion” is our prompt, instinctive, and unconscious reaction to an occurrence, whereas “feeling” is the result of experiencing and mentally processing various emotions. Based on these definitions, it can be concluded that there is no such thing as a good or a bad emotion, and what can be categorised into good or bad (or more precisely, positive or negative) is actually feelings.

We must be careful to make our decisions in accordance with our feelings rather than our emotions. This way, not only will we minimise the likelihood of regret in personal decisions, but we will also make sure our duty is aptly fulfilled in collective decisions. Despite limitations, I have always tried to be honest with myself and others about my emotions and feelings. I know this to be a difficult task and not feasible for everyone, and I do not intend to shame or condemn anyone. I only hope that someday, through raising awareness, all of us will be able to prevent the abuse of our emotions by profiteers and oppressors.

To reach that point, it is most vital that we avoid self-censorship and accept our emotions and feelings as they are. A great tragedy that unfolds at each corner of my life is having to deal with some people who, after a lifetime of suppressing their emotions and thus their feelings (which has brought them a miserable life), let themselves drag me into their misery by judging and comparing me to their own faulty categorisations. Some people have chosen to suffer in life, not realising that avertable suffering is purely foolishness and will not result in personal growth.

I am not a saint. Just like everyone else, I am filled with feelings of hatred, rage, dread, and despair, alongside feelings of love, peace, courage, and hope. I am not ashamed to experience any of the said feelings. But I have preferred to focus more on positive feelings in my artistic journey, and I see this decision as a way to differentiate myself from those who have nothing to offer except for baseless hatred and prejudice in their lives. The more ambitious you are, the more work you will have to do, but unfortunately, like most people, I have a relatively limited capacity and ability.

Since I have found art to be a fundamental need for my survival, success (as in gaining recognition and receiving admiration) has never been a priority for me. I go my own way and do what my feeling says is right. However, I cannot deny that others paying little to no attention to what I do arouses pathetic feelings within me. The feeling of not being good enough, the feeling of being stuck in a rut, the feeling that after all I’ve been through, I have nothing to show for it. Though, I believe that these seemingly negative feelings are not derived from weakness, but rather from self-awareness and my determination to constantly advance.

My paintings are my children. I am the only one who has shown them affection and accepted their responsibility thus far. It is as if I am condemned to bear them on my shoulders and carry them with me wherever I go. I suppose my paintings and I are similar in a way, in that no one loves us except for our creator. Once I am gone, I hope they do not end up rotting in a corner and are all well taken care of. Contentment seems to be the only thing I can have for now. Of course, it will not necessarily be the last thing I will ever have, but I have no control over the rest.